Let's break that shit out.
You know, the doctor is prescribing me this shit now.
New Line presents.
- A real nigga movie. Heh. - Yeah.
I'm as high as-- Heh.
I'm high as a giraffe's ass right now. Ooh.
Right now.
Cube Vision Productions.
- This shit gonna be off the hook. - Yeah, yeah.
Here, smoke.
Puff it up your nose, nigga.
"Next Friday." This shit is on the one. This is a done one on this one.
- Yeah, buddy. - Yeah.
Got a bong, nfgga, or something we can... f?
Because this shit is killing my sack.
"Written by Ice Cube."
- I thought that nigga was in jail. - Me too.
I helped write this motherfucker too.
They all did. Heh.
Ooh, look at the smoke.
"Directed by Steve Carr."
Oh, hey, that motherfucker owe me some money.
- Hey, man, that dude... - Shh. Shh.
That's the nigga that owe me that money, man.
In the movies, when you beat up the neighborhood bully...
you're supposed to live happily ever after.
But in my neighborhood, that's when all the drama starts.
It was a Friday I'd never forget.
I got high for the first time.
I got shot at for the first time.
And I finally kicked Debo's ass for the first time.
Debo ended up going to jail for about 4 years.
You win some. You lose some.
But you live.
You live to fight another day.
There's rumors going around the 'hood...
...saying Debo's supposed to break out next Friday.
And when he gets out, he's supposed to come and see me.
And today is next Friday, and I still ain't got no job.
Come on! Come on!
Come on!
Now, as soon as my pops found out Debo was getting out...
...he wanted me to move with my uncle and little cousin...
...in Rancho Cucamonga till things calm down...
...or Debo went back to prison, whichever comes first.
Craig! Off your ass and on your feet. This ain't no time to beat your meat.
All right.
I'll be out in about 35, 45 minutes.
Don't you go blind, boy!
Hurry up. Now, this is Friday.
We gotta hit the highway.
I felt like the biggest punk around here.
I whipped Debo's ass. He should be the one moving.
- Where am I gonna ride at? -Punk, you walking!
But I'm tired, man.
Come on, come on, come on.
Craig! Craig!
Will you come on? I don't wanna hit that traffic.
You had enough time to get yourself together.
I don't believe this.
I told that hard-head boy to put that hose away and cut that grass.
Look at that grass. Stanley's grass look good.
Mrs. Johnson's grass look good. But look at my grass. No. Look at that grass.
Boy, when that boy get out of my house, I'm gonna change my number.
Craig! Craig! Come on out of that house!
Oh, damn. Oh!
Oh. Goodness gracious. What--?
What is going on here?
Man.
Use that brick to break that chain.
You think it's the same brick Craig knocked your ass outwith?
Get out of here, you stupid mutt!
Craig! Craig!
- Here I come. -Will you bring your ass?
Come on, man. You got me trying to break a chain with a brick?
Man, let's go get some pussy, Debo. Man, fuck!
- Shit, man. -Shut up, fool!
I got some unfinished business to deal with and your butt gonna wait too.
Golly, what's the matter?
I fell in some mud and it's all your fault.
- How is it my fault? -You're taking all day.
I told you to put that hose away and out that grass.
I didn't drop you on your head when you were a kid. What's wrong with you?
Maybe your grandmother did. I remember the summer of '75...
I didn't wanna leave my neighborhood at all.
Especially my homeboy, Smokey.
But he went to rehab last month.
And the way he smoke, ain't no telling when he getting out.
I'm gonna sure miss him.
- I hate you, man. -Hey, hey.
Here come that dog truck. Shut your mouth.
We about to fade to black.
'Hey, stop! -Aah!
Get your punk ass out the car, Craig! This is the rematch!
Yeah, boy, the rematch.
Think I'm gonna let you beat my big brother like that and get away with it?
Punch it!
Ah, I got your butt now. Uh-huh.
Debo! Help!
Fake-ass Suge Knight!
TYRONE Debo?
I'm gonna find you! I'm gonna put my foot up your ass!
- Get up! - Unh! Damn.
I ain't kicking with you no more. I'm going to mommy house, man.
NO! No!
Did you see that? Them niggas just like some wild pit bull dogs.
That's why moving in with your Uncle Elroy and your cousin Day-Day is the best thing.
Your sister moved out. It's time for you to move out too.
It's time for your mother and I to walk around the house naked if we want to.
What? Y'all are trying to walk around the house naked?
Yes, we are.
Heh, we're gonna do it tonight when I get off of work.
Ooh, I can't wait to see your mama naked. That big old booty bouncing around.
Boom, boom, boom.
High-heeled shoes on, man, walking on that shag rug...
...giving me a lap dance, boy.
And my Johnson swinging.
- Daddy! -Ball going one way, the Johnson the other.
- The Ball-Johnson dance. -Daddy! Daddy!
I don't wanna hear that.
What's that smell?
It must be your upper lip, son. I don't smell nothing.
I do.
What it smell like?
It smell like you didn't fall in no mud.
Use this spray, son. That's all you gotta do.
That's what I got this stuff for.
Hold on, too much! What's wrong with this window?
That window don't come down, son. Remind me to get it fixed.
Oh, damn.
Nice neighborhood, huh? - it's all right.
Fake-ass Brady Bunch.
Eighteen years, son, 18 years I been chasing
nasty, stinking, dirty, filthy dogs.
- Hmm. -I been bitten by every dog in the world...
...pit bull, boxers, collies, Seeing Eye dogs.
- What about a Chihuahua? -Twice!
Then there's my brother, Elroy.
Everybody loves Elroy, a lazy nothing!
Hit the lotto. I just can't understand it.
Hmm.
- All right. You coming in? -Oh, hell, no, I ain't going in there.
I don't wanna see Elroy's face or smell his stinking breath.
Craig, it's gonna be different living out here.
Don't let your uncle or your cousin get you into any shit.
Pops, I'm grown now.
Can't nobody get me in trouble.
I'm glad you said that, son.
Since you grown, don't bring your black ass back home.
Daddy, Craig's here!
Ah!
What's cracking?
What's up, buddy?
- Hi, Uncle Willie. -How you doing, Day-Day?
- Where's your big-head father? -There he is, right there.
- Hey, Craig. -Hey, unc!
I heard you're running from an ass whipping.
It ain't even like that. Talk to your brother.
If it had been me, I'd have shot his big ass.
He would have popped him. I know he would have popped...
Hey, Willie! How's it going? Still stepping in that dog shit every day?
- Just make sure you take care of my boy. -Don't worry, big bro.
He's in the best fucking hands in Rancho Choke-among-us.
Shit. I'm the king here.
You're just another nigga late paying his rent.
- Ain't that right, nephew? -Yeah.
- Wait, Craig. -Huh?
- Remember what I told you. -I'll remember.
Now, lotto stud, close my door, and don't slam it.
Can't count to 10, all of a sudden you hit the lotto. Ain't that a bitch?
Hey, send Betty my love!
- Boy, you looking good. - Heh, I can't call it.
Give me that bag. Let me take this stuff in the house.
When you're finished with him, come on in.
All right. Thanks, unc.
- Damn. -Yeah.
Man, it's been what, a year, since last
time we kicked it at the family reunion'?
- Yeah, it was about a year, huh? Damn. -Yeah, man.
But ever since y'all moved out here, we lost touch or something.
I know. This is a long way from Watts, huh?
Yeah.
But you know what, the good thing about being out here...
...we don't hear no gunshots, no helicopters.
No police, no crack heads, no chickenheads, no nothing.
- Heh. Yeah. -Just clean, fresh air. Just smell.
- Smell good, huh? -Yeah.
Taste good. Taste the air. Ah.
- Oh, yeah. -Yeah, dude. Oh, man.
Oh, shit!
Who is that?
The Joker brothers.
That's Joker. He just got out of the pen.
And then there's Little Joker. He just got out of YA.
Mm-hm.
Then there's Baby Joker right there.
He just got out of the juvenile center.
And then they got a little dog named Cheeco.
You better watch him because he's sneaky. He'll bite the shit out of you.
I got something better than that Cadillac.
- What's that? -Peep this, come on.
Huh?
- What? -Check this out.
- This you? -Yeah, a little something I picked up.
- You digging that look, damn? -Damn.
I wish we hit the lotto and came up on a million dollars like y'all.
Man, after paying taxes and lawyer fees and all daddy's bad-ass credit...
...buying Viagra, tricking with these sack chasers around here...
...thirty and forty dollars now and then, I ain't end up with a million dollars.
We end up with this crib and this bad motherfucker.
- This is my baby, man. -Heh, it's off the hook.
- You like that, huh? -Yeah, I do.
I got them 20's on there. I just got them.
- Them ain't 20's, but it's off the hook. -Them are 20's, man.
No, they're 10's. I bought them from somebody.
- But they're nice, though. -Yeah, they cool.
They're tight. And then since I had this...
...my pussy rate went "poof."
I get more pussy from police ladies.
- Everybody give me some pussy. -What up, Day-Day?
Oh, this lady is funny, man.
She used to own a record booth down at the Slauson Swap Meet.
She is funny as hell. Come on. Let's go.
- What up, Mulan? -Hey, wait!
Don't be stepping on those flowers, motherfucker. I just planted that shit.
- Who's your boy? -That's my cousin Craig, he's from L.A.
- Craig, meet Ms. Ho. -Ho-Kym, motherfucker.
Day-Day's just trying to be a smart-ass. Nice to meet you, Craig.
Oh.
Yo, Day-Day, somethings going down with those éses across the street.
Yeah, I've been seeing a lot of activity.
- What kind of activity? -Strange activity.
I think they're running drugs from Tijuana. Day-Day don't believe me.
Well, I ain't got time and got to go, Ms. Ho. I'm just kidding.
Uh, come by after work. I got the John Blaze shit for you, heh.
- Nice to meet you. -Peace out, Craig.
Peace out.
Yeah. Bye. See you later.
- Oh, man. - Nice hat.
- I told you she was funny. -Yeah.
- Big house, ain't it? -Yeah, it is.
Yeah, see.
Y'all wish y'all had one like this, didn't you?
- Yeah, we do. -Yeah.
Daddy! Where my shirt at?
- Daddy, where my shirt? - Which one'? The pink one?
I have it here. Ran out of toilet paper, son.
Sorry about that.
- Sure was soft. - Wiped your ass with my shirt?
Told you not to leave your shit in the bathroom.
- What's up? What are you doing? -This is a nice house, man, for real.
I know. Thanks.
I just wish Mama had a chance to see it.
You know she had a heart attack and died when she found out we won the lottery.
Yeah, I know the story.
If Mama had a chance to see this, she'd have been so happy, man.
But that's how things work.
I'm about to get ready to go to work...
...something you might not never know nothing about.
- You know what I'm saying? -Where you working at now?
At Pinky's Record and Disc. Down at the shopping center.
You can't live in this house without a job. So try to think about that...
...because I got me a jizz-ob.
Jizz-ob, jizz-ob, jizz-ob.
Damn.
Suga?
- Suga! - I'm coming!
Craig, I want you to meet my old lady, Suga.
Suga, my nephew Craig.
Ooh, you even cuter than your baby pictures.
- Thank you. - Oh, honey. Mm.
You know, we can keep it all in the family.
- Ooh, you got a fat ass. -All right. All right.
All right, that's enough! Shit! That's enough!
Go back upstairs and put on some damn clothes!
- Go on, now! -Help me out.
Ooh. Nice meeting you, Craig.
Nice to meet you.
Boy, that woman gonna be the death of me one day. You watch.
Viagra ain't working. My back keep going out.
That freak can't get enough of your Uncle Elroy.
- Hmm. -But check this out.
Got to lay some ground rules down on you.
- You family. I love you. -I love you too, unc.
You welcome to anything in my house...
...but don't let me catch you in my refrigerator...
...don't let me catch you with your finger in my sugar bowl.
- You feel me knocking? -I feel you.
- Well, let me in. -Heh.
Unc, who is that out with Day-Day's car?
That's D'wana. Boy's ex.
Hey, Day-Day!
That crazy bitch out there again!
What's she doing with that big-ass key?
Damn.
- Oh, shit! - Is she writing on it?
Scratching the shit out of it. -Goddamn!
Why y'all standing there, just looking at shit? Do something!
Hugging and shit, just standing there.
You're supposed to be a thousand feet from my house!
- What you doing? - What it look like?
You can't quit me. I'm pregnant with your baby.
That ain't my baby.
That's my baby right there.
Oh, man.
You keyed my shit. Bitch, you keyed my--
I got your bitch right here.
Yeah, nigga, yeah.
- Daddy, she sprayed me! -Shut up, you little punk!
Don't nobody quit me. You wait till I tell Baby D.
- She gonna fuck you up! - She sprayed a player!
She sprayed a pimp!
- Better watch your back! - Be still.
Boy, look like you got a fatal attraction on your hands.
I know, I had two or three of them in my day.
Craig, I hope you can handle your women better than this fool can.
Hey, Elroy!
- That's too much water. -No, it ain't.
Take 20 minutes. I've been pepper-sprayed nine times.
Take 2O minutes. You got 19 to go.
Come on, Craig, let me show you the backyard.
You know, it's bigger than y'all's backyard.
Cali the police and tell them to get me another restraining order.
Yeah, Craig, you gotta have a little money to live out here.
Oh, yeah?
Got to have it. I know what you're thinking.
I was the one back in the day always talking about, "I love the 'hood.
I love the ghetto."
I was the one saying I wasn't the nigga...
...to make a little money and run to the suburbs, yeah.
You're right, that's what I said. But soon as I got my check, I was gone!
Paid $230,000 cash on this place.
- You paid cash for this, unc? -Cash money!
Don't try to stick me with some 30-year payment plan. That's for suckers.
Got my daddy like that years ago on a Cadillac.
Hmm.
I got the only house on the block paid for.
That's why I'm the king around here!
- Yeah, you are the king, unc. -How you like that pool?
Big, ain't it?
Yeah, it's cool. But where the water at?
Don't need no water.
We ain't had no pools in the projects.
None of us swim.
- So y'all never use it? -Never.
But the Jacuzzi, that's something else.
Me and my Suga get real nasty in there.
Guess I left that in there.
You welcome to use it anytime you want. Shit, you my brother's boy!
That's all right, unc. I can't swim neither.
No? Good.
I won't have to clean up behind your ass.
Come on. Let me show you something else.
Hey, man, you straight?
Hell no, I ain't straight. Look at my eyes. They still red?
- Yeah, a little bit. -A little bit?
Man, she fucked you up.
I can't taste nothing. My tongue is numb, man.
Why did y'all sit and let her do this shit?
It's your girl.
What's up with her, man?
She mean as hell.
I met D'wana about 3 months ago, right?
She had a little pudge on her stomach but I ain't pay no attention to it.
I thought it came from drinking 40s because she had beer on her breath.
Come to find out she's 6 months pregnant.
Told me I'm the baby's daddy.
- What? -Yeah, yeah.
- How you gonna be the baby's daddy? -Yeah.
You know she's lying.
Man, I broke up with D'wana two Fridays ago.
I got a restraining order on her and she don't care nothing about that.
- What? -She got me fucking up.
Yeah, I broke up with her two months ago...
...two Fridays ago and she don't care about no restraining order or nothing.
- You all right with them pants, man? -Man, get out of my business.
How you gonna have a restraining order, man, on your girl?
What's up with y'all'? I mean, where'd you meet her?
I was on my way back to the 'hood to buy them 20's.
I mean, them 10's. They're 10's but I keep them clean.
I was on my way to buy them and she had a Carl Jr. burger in her hand.
I wanted a piece of it and I stopped.
We got to rapping and that's how it happened.
- It was the worst day of my fucking life! -Damn.
Psycho, huh?
She must be worse than Left Eye from TLC or something.
But this fat bitch ain't burning. That ain't the cold part.
She got a sister named Baby D. I'm telling you.
This fat bitch get physical.
She sells dope, do hair and babysit out the same house.
The police don't know when to kick the door in.
I got a restraining order on her fat ass too.
You got a restraining order on a girl named Baby D?
You don't know Baby D.
That's why you're looking at me, because you don't know Baby D.
Her fat ass be snoring, won't even be asleep, just standing.
Fat little cupcakes and shit.
This bitch know about all the snacks before they hit the street.
All the bootleg snacks. Year 2000 snacks.
Yeah, gonna tell me the other day, talking about:
"Cupcake got a new Twinkie coming out next month.
It's a bad motherfucker.
When you bite into it, cream filling shoot all in your mouth. Glitter."
Fat bitch. I need to get ready to go to work.
Because I'm a player. I'm a pimp. I don't have to deal with this shit.
You got your shirt on backwards.
- Player. -Players fuck up.
- Snatch the shit off your head. -Don't worry about what I'm doing!
Why didn't y'all do nothing when that fat bitch jumped on me?
Y'all a trip! I'm running away from here.
- We gotta pull over, man. - Be quiet, punk.
My fucking nuts is hurting.
We got some business to take care of.
- Shit! Tsk, tsk, mommy! -Keep your mind on the business, man!
I'm gonna kick that Craig's butt.
Where are we going anyway, man?
Damn, Debo. Fucking ass is hurting.
- What we doing here anyway, man? -Close your mouth, I'll tell you.
This is the way the plan goes. You call over there...
...and say you have an urgent message for Mr. William Jones.
- What urgent message? -The message is...
...drop everything, Craig's in trouble. Come quick.
- I don't think that shit gonna work. -Man, just do it!
- I don't know the number. -it's on the side of the building, fool.
Just pick the phone up.
I feel 5 pounds lighter.
What? Jealous? Heh.
What's that?
Come on, now! Where's my burrito? What's wrong with you?
What kind of place is this?
Come on, come on. Give me my stuff.
Hello? Yeah, I got an urgent message for a nigga named Mr. Willie--
Willie who? - it's William, fool!
I mean, I got an urgent message for Mr. William Jones.
The urgent message is, drop everything. Craig's in trouble. Come quick.
- Craig Who? Who's this? -Man, nigga!
- Just tell him he can call on Tyrone. -Who is this?
Tell him it's a friend of the family's.
When you gonna stop hitting me like that?
I'm gonna bust your ass like Craig did. Knock your fucking eyes straight.
- Hot sauce, please. - Just a second. Man, just a second.
Hot sauce, thank you.
Someone just called to say Craig's in trouble.
- What? What? - Craig's in trouble. I don't know.
Oh, man. Hold on, Craig. I'm coming.
- Give me my money. Come on. - Just a second, man. Just a second.
Come on, Taco Jim. Give me my money. Give me my money.
Come on, man. Give me my money.
- Get out of here. - What you doing, man?
This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen.
Get in the truck. What you doing out?
What's going on around here?
What the hell's happening around here?
- Hey, hey! - Kiss my ass.
Don't take my hot sauce.
- This ain't bad, right? -Yeah, it is.
That scratch make it real ugly.
- Make you not even want to drive it. -Okay.
Damn! Who is that?
Who?
That's their sister.
Hey.
-Hey- -Hey-
Damn. You know what?
I'm beginning to like Rancho Cucamonga.
- Well, don't like it. -Why not?
We need to improve on black and brown relations.
Because there's been tension between us since they got out the pen.
I'm trying to keep it peaceful around here.
I ain't trying to have none of that gangsta thug stuff.
We living good, eating shrimps and steak.
Man, what you--? Don't do that. Let it go. I'm telling you, don't mess with her.
- Slow down. - Oh, man.
- Damn, you walk fast. -Heh.
I'm Day-Day's cousin Craig. What's your name?
- Karla. -Craig and Karla.
- That sounds good together, huh? -Yeah, kind of.
Hey! She's a sack chaser, man! I tried to hit it.
She wouldn't even give me none. I bet you don't get none.
I bet you don't get it. I bet you don't get it.
I hope you don't get it.
- Where are you going? -To the Cucamonga Shopping Center.
Let it go, man. I'm telling you. Let it go--
I told you, eh? Whites in hot and colors in cold, ése!
- Gonna ruin my Dickies! -Whatever, dog.
What the--? Hold this, eh.
What the fuck'?
You got a sexy voice. Say something in Spanish.
I think Karla's got jungle fever, ése!
You want us to give you a ride?
- Mm. -Mm.
I don't know.
Fuck that. Hey, Cheeco!
It's lunchtime, eh!
- We're gonna get you a ride. - Run! Run! Run!
- What? -Cheeco! Cheeco! Run! Run!
- Shit! -Cheeco, no!
Get that fucker! You know you like dark meat!
Those mayates are fast, like they're sponsored by Nike.
Hey, black man can jump, ése.
Joker, get your dog! This is bullshit!
Joker, you play too much, call your dog!
Ha, ha, shit.
Man, get off of my car! Get off of my shit!
I ain't getting down. Watch out.
- I got something for him. -Get him!
Kill his ass! Yeah. Fuck this!
I can't believe he did that to our dog.
You Uncle Willie's son.
You don't play that shit.
Cruelty to animals, ése! Cruelty to animals!
- Cheeco, dog. -Cheeco, get your stupid ass over here, eh!
That's wrong, ése. That's wrong. He did nothing to you.
Get down. Get down. Get down.
- Sorry. - Come on, man.
- My belt. -Look at my roof. Look at my roof.
Look at my roof. You play too much.
Now if I get in trouble with them, I got to live here! You don't!
Don't be getting in-- You gonna get me in trouble!
Get out of the way! Move! Just move!
Shit!
I was just trying to... I was just trying to help your scary ass.
You fucking hit my dog, ése! You're fucked up now!
You fucked him up for life! He's scarred!
We'll get you back!
Fucker.
Nephew, you got perfect timing.
About to start a little puff, puff, give in this motherfucker.
He)', you down?
Why don't you come and sit next to your auntie?
I know you smoke a little weed, right?
Why you say that?
Because your lip's turning black.
Would you like some wine, baby?
No, thank you.
Well, how about a little cognac'?
- No. It's kind of early. - Mm.
Shit, I can roll a blunt better than them bitches in Havana.
And I know Willie don't let you smoke in his house...
...but I'm your Uncle Elroy.
I don't give a damn how high you get in mine...
...as long as you let me hit it.
Look at that.
Fire that shit up, boy.
I'm about to show y'all who the real Puff Daddy is!
Unc? Unc?
Baby?
Unc?
It's the Bombay!
Think they really went to the moon?
They say they went to the moon.
They say there ain't no gravity up there.
That mean we can get high and never come down.
What numbers did you pick?
- Your original aunt picked six numbers. Mm-hm.
- She used her weight, I think. -Oh.
Goddamn.
I know why you got her now, unc.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Put some hot sauce on my burrito, baby
Don't you know it's good to me?
Debo. Debo!
- What? -Man, I can't feel my legs, man.
Put some hot sauce on my burrito, baby
You know you look good to me
Mm. Oh, man, that's good.
Just hold on, Craig. I'm coming, son, I'm coming.
Put some hot sauce on my burrito, baby
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Uh-oh.
Negro, what the hell you doing to my woman?
I don't know. I must...
- Suga? - Huh?
What the hell you doing to my nephew?
I thought that was you, baby.
Come on, baby.
I'm faded and feeling X-rated.
- It's Mr. Nasty time. -Oh, Mr. Nasty time.
It's Mr. Nasty time.
But take it easy on my back.
Be back in a minute.
- Make yourself at home, nephew. -Okay.
- Come on. -Thanks.
- Ooh, that's it, that's it. - Yeah, yeah.
- Hit it! - Yeah, put your legs up.
Get your toes away from my mouth! Get your toes out of there!
Oh, call me Elroy!
Whoo-whee.
- Damn, unc. - That's enough! Ow!
Hit that shit.
Oh, papi, I wish I was with you right now.
Yeah, me too.
- Yeah? Well, you ever heard of El Niño? -Yeah.
Well, this is El Negro. Come on down here and let me tap that ass.
Okay.
Delivery.
Got a delivery.
- Who is it? - Got a delivery. Come on, spark plug.
Come on, I got a delivery. It's kind of hot out here, buddy.
Come on, Sparky.
- What's up? - Nice house.
I didn't expect you to answer, but this is a fine place.
What are you, one of those, uh, entertainer guys, huh?
Do you play sports? What team you play for?
I play for the Cucamonga Cracker Killers.
- You want tickets? -Hey, don't want any trouble with you.
You don't have to send your posse out here to do a 187 in my ass.
Just, uh, got a little mail for you to sign, partner.
- What's this? -Uh, a delinquent property tax notice.
I hope the, uh, Cracker Killers pay well.
Otherwise, it's back to the ghetto you go.
Uh, take it easy.
Oh, fuck! Good boy. Heel!
"Your house will be seized and auctioned...
...tomorrow at 9 a.m."
Tomorrow?
Uncle Elroy, you got some mail.
Hey, Uncle Elroy, you got a notice...
Superlove is something That they say is very rare
In the dark and in your world It's everywhere
And I am a sex-o-matic venus freak When I'm with you
And I will stop it only when you tell me to
I am the automatic--
Unc.
Damn.
Unc is a freak.
Hey, unc. Uh-- Oh.
Hey, unc.
Hey, you got this-- Unc, you got this tax notice, man.
- Damn. Unc. - Aah! Come here!
I'll tear that ass up again! I like it when you treat me rough!
Let me go, man!
God, man, what you doing?
Oh, get your hands off my ass, girl. Let me go!
Let me go, goddamn it!
Yo, Day-Day, check it out.
If Pinky come in and see you doing...
...that X-Games shit off the counter, we get fired.
- Motherfuckers. You motherfuckers. - What the fuck is this?
- You motherfuckers. - Can I help you, sir?
Yes, what is this, huh?
This is rock. I can't get jiggy with this shit.
Where's your damn manager? That Pink motherfucker.
The manager's not here. I'm running the store.
You look like the player hater who sold me this shit.
Give me my money back now. And I have no damn receipt.
- Where's the cover-- -I have no damn cover.
- Kiss my ass. So what? - Can I see it, sir?
You been chewing on this shit before you came in?
Bullshit, motherfucker. You know who you're fucking with?
- Uh, Bishop Tutu? -Try again, motherfucker.
- Winnie Mandela's little-- -Try again, motherfucker.
- Just an ugly black dude. -I'll go postal on this motherfucker.
You better get your hostile ass out of here.
You bitch.
Oh, shit.
Please.
Don't hit me. This is John Blaze. I can getjiggy with it.
- Get your ass out of here. -I'm just a bitch-ass nigga.
- Don't hit me. Please, I'm going. - You see that?
- How did you get out here? - I walked.
You walked? You can't be walking around this white neighborhood. You look suspect.
- Y'all got a notice today, certified mail. -Oh, yeah?
Hey, Craig, this is Roach, my white slave Roach.
We working around the store doing anything I tell him to do.
That's my cousin Craig who beat up Debo.
What's up, bro?
- What's up? -What do we got?
- You know what this is? -What is it?
Just get the phone. You wouldn't know about this.
- This is black problems. - Pinky's.
Yeah.
We probably don't owe too much because we ain't been spending money that much.
- Oh, man. - What?
Say we owe 3900, by tomorrow.
- Shit, man. -How much y'all got from the lottery?
I don't know. I bought some shoes.
Man, we ain't got... I gotta check my book.
- Check your bank book. -Go back here with me.
That African might have circled around the block or something.
Yeah, he's here.
No, he's right here.
- Two hundred and forty-seven dollars. -That's it?
- Who was that? - This girl named D'wana.
She's outside. She wants you to talk to her.
Come here. Come on. Get over here.
Shit.
- What's the matter? -D'wana brought Baby D's fat ass up here.
Come on, D, let's fuck this nigga up.
You know it.
That white boy said he was in there.
Day-Day! Don't make me break this window!
- Craig, do me a favor. -What?
Go out there and tell them I ain't here.
Hell no. I ain't in it.
You already in it.
Day-Day! - I'll just go do it.
Get your ass back here, man. What the fuck is you doing?
She'll sit on your little ass. Craig, gotta do it.
He beat Debo ass.
And he cold. Craig?
You gonna do that for me'?
Huh.
Go ahead, man.
Day-Day! - Hurry up, nigga.
Shut up.
That don't look like Day-Day to me.
Open the door.
Day-Day ain't here.
- Who are you? -I'm his cousin.
We didn't come here for Day-Day.
- Yes, you did. -No, we didn't. We came to buy a CD.
Now move, punk.
These hoes ain't got no manners.
Mm-hm, where that boy telling me Day-Day was in here?
I don't know. I think he went in the back to throw away some boxes.
- Mm-hm, well, can I look for myself? - No, you cannot.
- Hey, ladies. -Where's Day-Day?
- I thought y'all wanted to buy a CD. -I do.
Can you, um, show me where the jazz section is?
Jazz?
You know damn well you don't wanna hear no jazz. Come on.
Mm-hm, I know y'all playing games.
If Day-Day come back, tell him I need to see him...
...because the child-caring classes start on Wednesday.
Come on, D. I ain't got time for this shit.
Wait a minute. Ain't your restroom this way?
I gotta pee. You better have toilet paper. The seat better be down.
- Damn! - Here he is! Baby D, he in here!
Here, Baby D! Get him!
Goddamn.
Come on, girl, you better go on with the bullshit.
Do something about it!
Why don't y'all do something about this shit?
- Come on, man! -She moves well for a big girl.
You better quit the bullshit.
- Man, you better stop running from that girl.
Fuck you!
Go on, Big Baby D. D'wana, I don't even like you like that.
- Man, somebody call Jenny Craig. -Hello.
- Put a hit out on this fat bitch. - Remember me?
Hell yeah, I remember you.
I'm so sorry about what my brothers did to you this morning.
They're just assholes.
You don't have to apologize for your brothers.
I wanted to give you this.
If my brothers weren't so overprotective...
...I'd have you call the house, but for
now, page me when you get a chance.
- I'll do that. -Better sooner than later.
- Yeah? -Yeah.
Shit, it might be tonight.
Get your ass back! Go on, girl!
Baby D, go home with the bullshit!
Now, you ain't gonna catch me, as usual, Baby D.
Come on, let's make a deal while we can. You're not gonna catch me.
What you want? Another Big Pun CD? Kelly Price?
- Luther Vandross? -Hell no.
- That ain't gonna do? How about that? -Uh-uh.
Just like you had in jail, the Commissary, without the wrapper.
You can get to it quick.
- I'm on a diet. -No, your fat ass ain't.
Yeah. Taste it, Baby D.
Yeah, that's good! Eat that--
- Your cousin Craig, hook us up. -That's it'?
Just tell him to come over here and talk to me.
- And I can go free? -Go before I change my mind!
What happened?
Made a deal. All you gotta do is go over there.
- You gotta go over and talk to her. -What you mean, "Talk to her?"
Go holler at her. She want to talk to you.
Talk to me?
Go talk to her. Mother love. Fat...
I'm gone.
- Come on! Day-Day, I'm gonna kill your ass!
You gotta come outside sometime!
See, I done told you. I done told you.
You know.
Why y'all let her do this shit?
- Ah! What was that? -You don't wanna know.
- Thanks a lot, Craig. - Look.
We cousins, but don't be trying to hook me up...
...with the little sister that's bigger than the big sister.
- Fat bitches need love too, Craig. - For sure.
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Oh, man, no.
Oh, my stomach. Hey!
Say, let me get by!
Too much hot sauce. Damn, I gotta go to the bathroom.
Uh-oh.
Oh, I gotta go to the bathroom. Ugh.
Come on, let me over. Let me over.
Somebody help me, please! Help me, please!
Uh-oh. Oh, no, too much traffic.
What's this traffic doing? Oh, no.
Hey, y'all, move over! Move up! Move up! Move! Everybody, move!
Day-Day.
- Worst day of my life. -Damn, you sad, Day-Day.
I know how you're feeling, man.
If I had my bong on me right now, dude, I'd let you toke till you choke.
I got this, though.
- What's that green shit hanging out? -That's chronic, dude. Try it.
I ain't got no bong or no bullshit brownie but, uh, voilá.
Whoa.
I'm the one with the problems!
- Shit. - Hey, enjoy, man.
Better open that window before the smell get out, huh?
- None of these windows work in here. - I got an idea.
It's just a theory of mine, but I think it should work. Check this out.
- Blow? -Yeah, blow.
- That ain't gonna work. -Fuck, yeah.
- It works. -Still gonna smell it.
Uh-uh, watch.
Hey, stop bullshitting!
- Stop bullshitting! -My fault, my fault. Heh.
You better stop fucking playing so much! Almost sucked my motherfucking lip up!
Look here, baby.
You hitting them corners too goddamn fast.
You need to slow this motherfucker down, understand?
I almost spilled my yak on this $200 suit, nigga.
Come on, baby, get it together. Damn.
Yeah, whatever, motherfucker.
Shit.
Heh, Roach, what you doing?
I caught a bad one again.
You busters is bitches
You can't get your money from your bitches You busters is bitches
- Get back! -Stop that bullshit, man!
This vacuum shit don't work, man.
Man, don't grab on Pinky's shit like that.
You company man.
"Don't grab on Pinky's shit like that."
- Nigga, this is how I-- -Pinky?
Pinky. He used to be a player. Pinky-- I heard about Pinky--
Where the bathroom at?
Go to the right.
Man. Don't do that, man! You gonna burn my Pinky shirt up!
Nigga, I was just gonna get a promotion.
You about to burn--
Light an incense in there too.
You stanky, booty-ass, little boy. What's up, Roach?
You all right? You bust your shit?
Don't move.
I'll blow your goddamn head smooth off.
Now, back up.
Slowly.
Don't say a word.
Hey, man-- I said, don't say a word.
Craig went to take a doo-doo.
You ain't seen him getting nothing... Nothing to, uh, trying to make it--
- He miss? -He do nothing to make it fresh in there.
Come on.
Little motherfucker gonna try to rob me.
Well, I'm gonna show you how we do it up here in Pinky's, nigga.
- I wasn't trying to rob-- -Shut up!
Before I bust a cap up in your ass.
Now, what you done done with Day-Day and Roach?
- Day-Day is my-- -Shut up!
Now, who sent you, nigga?
- Nobody sent-- -Say another motherfucking word...
...and this shit is over!
And I ain't playing, nigga!
Now...
...you ain't got no gun...
...but where the weed at?
- I ain't got no-- -Shut the fuck-- Shut...
Did I say--? No!
Oh, shit, say it again! Say something else! Oh!
Say something else! Say something else, nigga!
I'm gonna tie your monkey ass up.
Oh, shit!
He been doo-dooing a long time.
When he was a kid, he doo-dooed in church.
The pastor was the only one that could stay in there through the blessings of God.
I got your ass! I got your ass!
Oh, shit.
Craig doo-dooed in the swimming pool.
- We were swimming when we were little. -Did it float up like a submarine?
I was swimming and I thought it was a chocolate payday.
I was swimming like a motherfucker and something just went:
And it kind of hit my...
I got this motherfucker.
No, no, no! Hell no!
Gonna blow up where I make my money at.
Is he coming?
Let me tell you something, bro. Can I say something to you?
- I love you, man. -Either be smoking or be passing that.
I got to think of a way to get this money by tomorrow.
Huh?
I gotta think of a way to get-- "Huh?"
I gotta think of a way to get this money by tomorrow.
- You could sell your Beamer. -I can do what?
- Sell your car. -Sell your mama's car.
I'm not selling my car for this, man.
- My bad. -Yeah. Don't say nothing like that.
- I know you love that car. -Hell, yeah.
Look, I gotta think of a plan.
Man, I hope Craig got some kind of plan while he in there taking a shit.
- He in there a long time. -Yeah, he in there a long time.
Let's go clean up, man, before Pinky get back.
Oh.
What's up, baby? Come on, young blood.
- Don't kill me, man. -Shut up!
I been trying to tell your ass that Day-Day's my cousin.
- He in the back. -Whatever you say, baby. Whatever you say.
I swear to God, man.
The combination to the safe is 34-6-27, man.
Just take it all, baby. It's all yours. Just don't kill me.
I got kids. I got a motherfucking girlfriend.
I got a wife on the side.
Shut up!
Don't kill me. Goddamn, don't kill me.
- Craig, what you doing? -Nothing.
- Day-Day. - Huh?
Is this your cousin?
- Yeah, that's my cousin. -Good. Then you fired.
- Who, me? - Yeah, you.
- I'm fired'? -And, Roach, you fired too.
- Why you gotta fire me for, Pinky? - Shut up!
Shut up!
You better keep your goddamn mouth shut!
Bobby Womack.
I heard that shit. Say it again. Say it again.
Shit!
And you lucky, nigga.
I was just fixing to get up in your ass.
Give me my motherfucking pistol. Get the fuck up out of my store.
- That's some bullshit. - Shut up!
Punk ass.
Trying to rob me. Nigga, I'm Pinky.
Shit, that nigga had me scared, but I held my own. Fuck that.
Fat bitches busting my windows all the time.
I knew you shouldn't... When you going home?
D's saying.
In a strange way, I feel responsible for Day-Da y getting fired.
If I wouldn't have fought Pinky and gave Day-Day that joint...
...he'd still have a job by now.
Roach too.
That's true.
Got to think of something.
- Fat bitch bust my windows. -As soon as he shut the fuck up.
You ain't even help me. You sit there and watched her do the shit, Craig.
You better quit hanging around black people. You see how we live?
We live wild. We live rough. I'm telling you.
Daddy, I didn't know you had titties.
We got, uh, a certified this in the mail today.
And I got fired today.
Unh, my head, Daddy!
Mr. White Man, tell me what happened. What's up there?
Mister, I gotta go help my son. Let me over, please. Let me over.
I gotta help myself too. I got a burning in my stomach.
Oh, my stomach hurts. Oh, man.
Officer, please. Don't just drive past me.
Officer!
How long we gotta ride in this stupid-ass van anyway?
Fuck, I don't know. Shut up, man!
Raise your hand if you want to talk to me!
Ow, ow.
Man, what we gonna do?
- I don't know yet. -Tsk.
I know what I'm gonna do.
I'm going home and face the music.
My dad finds out I got fired again, man, he's gonna kick my ass.
- Sorry about today. -Yeah, me too. Later.
- My board! - Get the board! Get the board!
My skateboard.
Let's play some quarters and shit. Hey, don't forget the chips.
- What the fuck you looking at, ése? -Nothing. I...
- You broke my board. -It shouldn't have been in the street.
Take me to Judge Judy, puto. Let's go.
- Who the fuck are those guys, Day-Day'? -Let it go, man. Trust me.
I ain't letting shit go. They broke my skateboard!
- Let it go! Trust me. -Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait! Look.
- You see that? - I ain't see nothing.
Must be money or something in that hydraulic pump.
Yeah, air.
It's something better than air. I could tell how funny he act.
Hey, how's it going, boy? Come here. Yeah, boy, come here-- Ooh.
Hey, what are you doing? Get the fuck off me!
How do you know'? It could be anything in that pump.
I don't know. It could be anything, but I say we go over there and take a look.
I say you go by yourself.
I'm not fucking with them. Y'all go over there and tag team.
All we need is a big-ass pack of bologna.
Bologna?
Yeah, bologna.
Want me to get cheese and a hot plate? We can cook over there.
Soon as we get over there. Get something to eat.
- Man, just go get the bologna. - Man, shit.
Hurry up.
Is that a gas station over there? Here we go. That's a gas station.
Hey, get out the way, man. Come on! Move.
This fool can't drive for shit.
Guess I'm gonna have to kill that dad of his too, when I get through with Craig.
Hey, man, get out the way! Get out of the way! Hurry up!
I got some business to take care of!
- Fuck you, asshole! - I hope the bathroom is clean.
If it ain't, I don't give a damn.
Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, me.
Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, oh, oh.
Damn. I knew I shouldn't have eaten all that hot sauce.
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
Sabu! I've seen all your movies, man. Oh, you bad.
Riding that magic carpet. They ain't got to worry about no gas.
Ha, ha. Can I get the key to the bathroom? I don't wanna buy no hubcap.
Here it is.
And say hello to Qaddafi for me.
Oh, boy, oh, ooh.
Oh, boy. Oh, oh, oh, oh.
- Hey! - Hey!
Come on out of there! I got an emergency here!
- Hold on! - Come on, man!
- Come on out of there. -Who's banging on this frigging door?
- Mr. Jones. -Stanley?
- Uh, hi, how are you? -What are you doing here?
I'm looking for a new house out here. I have to move out of the 'hood.
- The crime is really getting bad. -Yeah, I gotta go.
I wouldn't recommend that anybody go in there for at least 35, 45 minutes.
-It's smelling pretty bad. -Get the fuck out of my face!
Oh, Lord! Damn it. Ooh. Ooh. Whoo-ooh.
Thank God. Whew.
Come on. Stay down.
- Y'all ready? - No.
Come on.
There's Joker! Run! Goddamn it! Run!
Joker
I don't see nobody.
Come on.
Hurry UP-
Nice booty. Oh.
You know I do, papi. Ha, ha.
- Where you going, baby? - Right over here. Whoo! Ha, ha.
I'm nervous, man. I got the BGs.
- What's the BGs? -The bubble guts.
I'm nervous and I'm about to shit on myself.
Keep a tight ass, Day-Day. Try and hold it in or something.
Shut up.
That sound like butterflies to me.
Butterflies, your ass. I'm about to go home.
Look, look. If we don't go do this, you ain't gonna have no home to go to.
Now, all we gotta do is find out where the little one put that pump...
...take it and see what's in it.
You're in the Kentucky Derby. How do you take this off?
Oh, shit.
Go, Flea Biscuit. Go, Flea Biscuit.
Thought you were gonna take me to see Mommy.
Uh, as you can see, I'm a little preoccupied right now.
I'll take you later.
When? After you're all drunk and loaded?
I said I'll take your stupid ass later, all right?
Get the fuck out of here. You're ruining my company.
- What's this silver thing right here? - What silver thing?
We forgot to count that shit. Hey, get up.
Business first.
Hey, Baby Joker, come on.
Forgot about the business.
Roach, I need you to occupy that dog long enough for me and Day-Day to take a look.
No, man. Me and dogs don't get along, bro.
- Well, get along with this one. -Oh, shit. What's his name?
Cheeco. You've got to go ahead of us. Don't get seen.
And for damn sure, don't let that mutt out your sight.
Go, go, go!
- We scored today, fool. -Yeah!
- What's that on my leg? -What is that, dog'?
Forget it. I think it's yogurt or something.
Cheeco.
Here, Cheeco.
Cheeco.
Get off my ass, man.
You guys are better than the Soul Train dancers.
Look at them tig old bitties. God!
Come on. Let's go. Get up.
- All right, go first. -No.
- Go first. -No, nigga, you go first.
I'm not going first.
If you don't hit that fence, I'm gonna throw you over.
Nigga, I'm not. We ain't little no more.
That's the thing about it. Come on. Come on. Come on.
- What you talking about? We ain't little? -Come on.
- What? -Come on, nigga.
- It ain't like that. -Get your ass up.
- Stop playing. - I broke a butt cheek.
- Come on. - Shit, man.
What, man? Fuck.
Come here, boy. Come on, Cheeco.
Be a good boy.
Okay! Oh, shit.
- Oh, shit. -Hey, hey. Wait.
- Just count the money. - He's still over there.
- Hundreds, 50s. - Roach still got him.
- What do we do with these ones? -Fuck it. Give it to charity.
Fuck. Charity starts in la casa.
We can give it to the bitches.
It is money in that pump.
- It is? - Yeah.
Good boy. Come on. Here you go.
Good boy. Good boy.
Good boy. I got some good bologna for you. Good boy. Good boy.
Eat it all up. Eat it all up. Okay.
Cheeco, you ate it all up.
Okay, okay. Cheeco.
Hey, is that Cheeco? What's wrong with him?
I don't know. That dog got issues.
So, what's wrong with my perro? Whafd you do to my dog, fool?
Nothing.
Just keep counting the money.
- Hey, foolios. -Hey!
Hey, fuck that shit, holmes. Do it later. You know, it's fucking Friday.
We got fucking bitches. And it's fucking time to party.
Shut the door. What's wrong with you? Don't you got no manners?
- What's wrong with you? -Fucking snapper.
We're not gonna close the door until you come out and party with us.
Let me think about it. Count my money, party with bitches.
Hundreds and fifties, big-ass titties.
Count the green, get in between those titties.
- Let's party, holmes! -Come on, fool!
Put that shit in the drawer, holmes.
I'm in the mood to getjiggy with it. I wanna party.
Aztec warrior. Aztec warrior.
He put it in a drawer. I'm gonna go get it.
You want me to wait here so Cheeco can bite me in my ass?
- Yeah! -I'm going. I'm not doing nothing.
- What? -I'm gonna tell you one more time.
- Sit your ass down. -Get your finger out of my...
Damn.
Yeah, yeah.
You got that Ricky Martin CD, holmes'? I love him.
He's a musical god. He's good for my people.
Come on. All right. I wanna dance.
Damn.
Calm down. I got something for you.
Got a treat. You're gonna like this.
I got a little bud brownie.
Here. Just eat the whole thing. Just eat it all up.
Good boy. Eat it up. Eat it up. Eat it up.
Good dog. Good dog.
We're gonna party now.
What the fuck'?
Hey, who locked the fucking door, huh?
I don't like locked doors!
They make me crazy and shit! I was locked up, ése!
Pass the wire! Pass the wire! I don't want no grilled cheese.
No, Leroy, I'm bilingual! There's a difference.
No more locked doors!
No more locked doors around here, you hear me?
What you been eating, girl?
- Ugh, nothing but light beer for you. -Ha, ha.
- I like it rough. - Oh, you do, huh?
Good, because that's how you're gonna get it.
- What are you doing? -Huh?
What are you doing here?
Look, I hope you don't think I'm crazy.
I snuck in here to show you that I wasn't scared of your brothers.
And, uh, if you had a man like me in your life...
...you wouldn't have to be scared of them neither.
What? So you snuck in my room to tell me that?
- Yeah, I did. - Karla?
Excuse me.
- Hey, who you talking to? -Nobody!
- I heard a vato's voice in here. -No, you didn't. Get out of my room.
Go back to your stupid little girlfriends.
I'm telling Morn.
Good boy. Feel that? Good dog.
Lay down. That's a good boy. Lay down.
Yeah, you're a good boy. Cheeco, Cheeco.
You are a good dog.
Oh, I'm gonna do you good.
I'm gonna give it to you rough.
Here's Johnny.
I call him Mini-Me.
Oh, I'm gonna do you like American Me, baby.
Don't look at me. Don't look at me, little puppy.
Can I get a whoa, whoa.
Oh, I'm an Aztec warrior, aah!
Bring your ass home, Craig.
Come on.
Hey, I'm cold. I'll close the window.
Oh, shit. Ugh!
Motherfuckers can't fuck with me. I'm a player. I'm a player!
Like I was saying, Cheeco...
Are you listening?
Oh.
We don't need this shit.
A guy like me and a dog like you...
...we ought to be in Maui...
...renting Jet Skis to fat fucks with flower shirts.
That'd be the good life.
Take you with me wherever I go, Cheeco.
- I love you, Cheeco. It'll work. -Come on.
- Where's Craig? -He's in the house still.
- Why'd he go in the house? -Don't worry.
We gotta figure out a way to get him out of there. He's probably locked up. Come on.
Shit.
You did all this for me?
Most of it.
I just hate to see a fine girl like you in a situation like this.
Thanks for noticing.
It used to be peaceful around here before they got out.
They took over the house and caused my mother's nervous breakdown.
Dang.
- Why she didn't just kick them out? -We tried.
We saved up to get away from them, but they just followed us.
Damn. I hate to hear that.
- Can I get out this window right here? -I thought you came up here to see me.
- I did. lt's just, you know... -Well, what's the hurry?
- I got my cousin out here waiting on me. - So what?
Let's make him wait.
- Knock. - You want me to knock?
Knock!
You're acting like a little bitch right now, man.
They can't hear that. The music's playing.
Excuse me, partner. That was a fucking ghetto knock I just did.
- I'll show you how to knock on a door. -What? Stop.
Yeah. Rub that shit, mm.
I hear something.
Fuck.
I can't do anything around here! Shit!
Ruining my flow.
Right there.
Lover boys, you hear that shit?
Motherfucker, you better stop.
- They gonna think we the police in there! -It gets results.
The fuck do you want'?
We came to borrow some sugar.
Does this look like a fucking 7-Eleven to you?
Do you see a red dot on my forehead?
Do you see an ATM in the corner that doesn't work?
Do you? No, you don't, so fuck you, my friend.
Get the fuck out of here, Day-Day. You too, Slim Shady.
- No problem. We gone. -Hold on a second.
Hey, man, you ran over my skateboard.
I don't appreciate that, all right?
- That's bullshit, man. - Whoa!
- I got your message. Where's Craig? -Message?
I ain't sent you no message!
- You didn't call with an urgent message? -Hell, no, Willie!
You starting to think like a dog.
Believe them fleas and ticks sucking on your brain.
Somebody sent me a message. Where's Craig?
I don't know. Come on in.
You know you got shit all over the back of your ass?
Hey, don't sit on that couch! Put some paper down.
- Next time, page me first. -Okay, I'll do that.
- What's my code, 69? -No, 68.
Yeah, right. Oh, shit.
Are you okay?
Joker, this is some bullshit.
- We just came over to borrow some sugar. -And some Phillies.
And some Phillies. And some Phillies.
We ain't come to fuck up y'all little ménage á trois.
These are some bad bitches you got. We would not fuck that up.
- In no way. How y'all doing anyway? - Fine.
- Hey! -My name is Day-Day.
I'm your local neighborhood player. This is my buddy Roach.
- Roach, say, "What's happening?" Nice to meet you.
Hey, hey! What the fuck?
This isn't The Love Connection, holmes.
Trying to pick up on our hynas or what, eh'?
Want to go to the room right now?
I don't know about you two. I don't know about this sugar shit.
I know black people got a lot of sugar in their house.
So I don't know. You making me susp-- Uh, susp...
Suspicious, eh? - it's making me think a lot!
Smart guy.
He's trying to mack it with our chicks.
- What'd he say? -I don't know.
BABY JOKER It's Karla. She's coming down. Give me the weapon.
- Shut the fuck up and act natural. -No problem.
- Hey. What's going on'? -Nothing.
Are you going to give me a ride to see Mommy?
Dang! You bug!
- Look, just take my car, all right? -Take your car?
Did I stutter? Did I stutter?
- No. -Hell, no. You ain't. No.
No.
Shut up, stupid. Just give me your car keys.
- I'm not stupid. You're stupid. - No, you're stupid.
- Don't call me stupid. I'm sensitive. - Where's keys?
- You're stupid! - I'll be back in a bit. Bye.
- Chickenhead. - Stupid ass.
Don't be hitting my switches too.
And tell Mama we miss her cooking.
You know what? if everything's cool, then we'll let you bounce too, all right?
That's a deal. That's what I'm talking about.
All right.
Craig, where the hell you been?
- I was over-- -Hold up, Elroy. This is my boy.
I'm the only one who can yell at him. Where the hell you been'?
- Have y'all seen Day-Day? -No, thought he was with you.
I knew we'd never be together forever. You're a cold little Puerto Rican dude.
What?
We're saying you're fucked, ése!
- You're staying with us. - Oh, man.
Baby Joker, get the duct tape, holmes.
-It's on my bed. I was using it earlier. -Shit, man!
Hey, and, you, go put your clothes back on, all right?
The party's over. Get your chickenheads out of here!
Come on! Move it, hood rat. Get your ass out of here.
Bus leaves at 11! Take this shit with you!
- Call me! - What a jerk-.
Stupid.
- What did we do? Tell us. -Why he need tape?
You guys are fucked.
- We're gonna have a little party. -What kind of party?
A prison party. We just got out the joint. And I know what the fuck to do with you.
- Shit! -He's cute, huh?
- I want the little one. -He's like a Frosted Mini-Wheat.
- Hold on, baby. -it's gonna be crazy.
- Joker, don't do that, man. - You haven't seen my Aztec warrior.
- I can't handle this! -You can't handle them?
You can handle them.
- You got a pretty mouth. - Come on, baby. Don't do that!
Don't-- Don't do it.
- You think they in there? - They in there.
We got to do something.
Y'all take your asses over there if you want to.
If you ain't back in 10 minutes, I'm
calling the police and the insurance man.
Wait a minute. I'm going to get my shit.
How many of us have them?
- Friends -Friends
- Ones we can depend on -Can depend on
Friends
Shut the fuck up!
I don't even like Whodini.
We can be friends as soon as you tell me where my money is.
Money? We came here to borrow sugar from you and some rolling papers.
We wanted to get high.
I was gonna show this white boy how to make Kool-Aid.
Ow, shit!
Just have a heart, Mr. Joker. Please. It's Friday!
- I know what fucking day it is. - Oh, shit! Fuck.
I hear a lot of talking, but the words don't mean shit.
Maybe that other chanate took it. Remember him?
Hey, Day-Day, where is the other mayate, holmes?
That's a nice piece of heat you got there.
Thank you.
Ain't got but two bullets in the motherfucker.
- But that's better than nothing. -Yeah, it is.
Two bullets? Boy, your ass ain't changed at all.
Back in the day, only thing I had was a stick.
You missed with your stick.
I ain't gonna miss with these two bullets.
Hey, hey, y'all.
Not now. Come on.
- Well, come on. You know what to do. -Ah, shit, Willie!
That's Versace you stepping on.
Versace? You can't even spell Versace.
Fosatchy. F-O-satchy.
Whoa!
Damn.
You all right?
- Yeah. -Will you be quiet, Tarzan?
I don't do this shit every day, Willie.
Joker, I'm telling you, man.
- You could do a lot for this community. -Shut up!
I'm sick of bullshitting with you two.
Baby Joker.
- Little Joker. - Yeah.
Tape their mouths shut.
I don't wanna hear a grown man scream.
Tyrone! Tyrone!
Ow, shit.
- What, man? -We must be here.
Because we stopped.
Good. Let's get the hell out of here. It stink in here.
- How do we get out'? - How am I supposed to know?
You the one with the muscle. Why don't you get us out?
Raise your hand, fool.
Now, let me show you how we gonna do this.
Debo! Debo!
Come on, man! Let me out of here! Come on, man! I'm your brother, man!
Debo. Come on! Don't do this to your own brother, man!
Get out, fool.
Damn.
HEY, young man.
You got knocked the fuck out.
No more fun and games, Day-Day.
My little carnal, he went to get my chain saw.
I'm gonna show you what happens to putos that take my money...
...and don't tell me what I wanna hear.
You ever see Scarf ace, fuckers?
Go see what's taking him so long.
Junior.
What the fuck, stupid?
Ow, my back.
What's the matter, Elroy'?
Oh, I believe I slipped my disc again.
- Goddamn! -Let me help you.
- Don't touch me, Willie! -Ain't nothing wrong with you.
Get your big ass up. I'll tie this boy up myself.
I should tie your big ass up too and drag you down the street.
You players are going on the disabled list as soon as my brothers get back here.
They should be back here any minute now.
They'll be back soon.
Fuck! Where are these fuckers?
I gotta do everything, ése!
It's tough being the brains of the operation.
Fuck! Hey!
Where you putos go? You gonna make me crazy!
You make me crazy, ése! Fuck!
- Making me look like a punk! - It slipped!
My disc slipped in my back.
What the fuck'?
What the hell are you doing here?
I lost something. What it look like, fool?
It looks like a dead mayate with a loud shirt.
My mind. That's what I lost. Ain't this my yard?
Psst. Hey.
Come on. Get up!
Come on. Come on, Craig, watch his feet.
Watch his feet, boy.
Fucker!
Day-Day?
Come on!
Ding ding, school's in, bitch.
Motherfucker.
I got your ass right here.
Boy, I'm gonna kick your ass for getting me into this mess, throwing my back out again.
Aah, Daddy, it ain't my fault! I'm not bullshitting.
I was hanging with this little white boy, and he got me into all kinds of shi...
Boom, boom.
- Damn! - What's up?
Shit!
Y'all motherfuckers help!
Oh, shit.
Get off me! Get up!
Say hello to my little friend.
Ban]!
Yeah, that's it! I'm gonna blast this fool.
Give me that gun. Here, Debo!
Come on, fool. You remember me, punk?
Ooh, Lord, have mercy.
What you want me to do, Debo'? Bad dog!
- Freeze! - Let me see your hands!
Two Milk Duds. Two giant Milk Duds. Uh-oh.
Freeze! Sheriff's Department!
Wait a minute. I live across the street! Paid cash!
They the ones you want!
- Is there a problem, officers? - Don't move!
- Make a damn hole! - Hey, brother, man!
Y'all can't fuck with the police
Rude-ass cops.
You done paid your parking tickets, Willie'?
You still got your illegal cable?
We better get the hell out of here.
- Come here, Cheeco! Come here. - Get your hands off me!
It's like a bad dream.
Hey, why you cops got to be so violent?
I love Fridays.
Craig, it ain't over, punk! Wait till I get out!
Hey, Debo, when you get out?
- I'm gonna beat your butt up too. - Tyrone.
- It ain't over! - Come on, man!
- Heh, heh. Good job. Good job. - Craig!
Yeah, that's our pump!
- Shut up! - We ain't going down like that.
That's right. Ha, ha. Look what I got. Heh.
Hey, wait, man. Don't open that here.
Heh, heh. Jump up and down on that back of his.
That's next.
Don't listen to him.
Ooh, cash make the coochie go "whoo, whoo."
It's gonna feel real good to pay my taxes.
- Thanks, nephew. - No problem, uncle.
All done!
- Thanks, Miss Kym. - Call me, man.
All right. No doubt.
- Ancient Chinese secret. - I'm Korean, motherfucker.
Fat-ass little Chinese lady's gonna take the money and not give me no play?
Elroy, will you get your broke-down ass up?
There ain't nothing wrong with you. Laying down like a broke-dick dog.
- Get up. Come on. What's wrong with you? -Shit.
Damn! That George Jefferson shit works!
Walk me to the door.
Hey. Wait a minute. Um...
I'm gonna sure miss you, heh. Um...
Why don't you give your Auntie Suga some sugar?
Give me a kiss.
Sorry.
Nephew, you're welcome here anytime.
Thanks again.
Always hitting on somebody. Man, you sure you don't wanna stay?
You know, I got to live ghetto fabulous. I can't stay here with y'all fools.
- It's too crazy around here. -Yeah. Yeah, it's thugged out.
Keep that car. You make sure you get that fixed.
- You know that. I got money now. -Yeah, I see.
When can I come see you, fuck your neighborhood up?
- You can't. -All right.
- Craig! - Break that shit.
Fuck his shit up. Go on, girl. Hurry up. Hurry up.
Get that shit.
Yeah. Hurry up! Hurry up!
Oh, Well.
Ali's well that ends well, of course.
Another Friday gone, another problem solved.
It's a trip to know that things can get wild in the suburbs too.
Man, I can't wait to get back home to the peace and quiet streets of South Central.
Yeah.